I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
