bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
