So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
