I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
