That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
