Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
