Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
