How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
