it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
