what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
