this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
