Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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