are you still at the devil's house?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
