First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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