her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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