im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
