just tell him i said nine months
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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