Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
