Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
