I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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