OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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