Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
