This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
