That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
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