Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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