Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
