Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
