i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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