it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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