Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
