there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
