Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
