Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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