It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
