I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
