From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
In other news, I just burned my penis
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
