I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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