my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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