I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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