Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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