Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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