so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
