I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
