I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
