dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
