Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
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