ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
