I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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