I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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