doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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