i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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