I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
