i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
