Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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